The Heart Wants What It Wants

I sat down in the middle of a clamorous crowd trying to regain my cognisance. The emotions I felt made my heart feel so dismal. Do you know what I feel is more hurtful than a heartbreak? it's guilt. As I sat there I felt the breeze calm my breathing, but not my mind. Every time I thought about it, a grasp of guilt always made me doubt myself.

When I was 24, I fell in love for the first time in my life. Everything about it was new. Everything I felt was nothing but delight. I felt like I could fly of happiness. I felt like nothing else could make me happier. The person I fell in love with was just as happy as me. We made each other happy. We loved each other more than we loved ourselves. His perfume was my vulnerability, his perfume was my favourite. Just like how a song can have memories attached to it, I had my memories of his attached to his scent.


Now I am 32. Life didn't fall the way we wanted. He chased the money and I followed my passion. The torture of parting ways with him pains me till date. He got married to someone else, and so did I.


My husband and I are separated and my daughter lives with me. She visits him on the weekends, while I spend the weekdays with her. Last weekend I met my old lover while I was reading at a cafe by myself. My heart skipped a beat and I realised I never stopped loving him. We hugged. We spent some time catching up with each other's growth.


I noticed that he still used the same perfume. That scent drew back all the memories. After that dubious meet with him, it was time for goodbye, and that's when I said

"I fell for you because of this scent 8 years ago and I don't think I ever got over you since then"


Little did she know that her husband was telling their daughter a story of how they first met.

"Your mother and I worked at the same company, and one day she suddenly came up to me asking which perfume I use. I consented to answer if only she agreed to have a cup of coffee with me. Your mother is my first love, and my only love"



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